'Tis Nyte! by Elizabeth Watasin

. . . on a site somewhere, back in 2012. Written by the same writer, Mallory Ortberg, thankfully, or else that would have been awkward. :) I had to dig it up again. From The Hairpin:

JANE
MY LITTLE SUNBEAM
WHERE ARE YOU
I NEED YOU BY MY SIDE
I’m taking a walk
be back for dinner
AH YES MY CAGED SPRITE
COMMUNE WITH NATURE AND UPON YOUR RETURN
RELATE TO ME THE VAGRANT GLORIES OF THE  RUINED WOODS
do you really want me to describe my walk to you
MORE THAN ANYTHING YOU POCKET WITCH
it is fairly cloudy out
looks like rain soon
AHHH TO THINK THAT MY LITTLE STARLING JANE
SHOULD RETURN
TO PERCH ON MY BROKEN MALFORMED SHOULDER
SINGING A SONG OF THE GREY AND WRACKING SKIES
MAKES MY HEART SWELL TO BURST
all right

***

Excerpt from:

http://thehairpin.com/2012/07/texts-from-jane-eyre

I look forward to the book. :) Now it's making me want to seek out another hilarious online satire, where Jane is wandering the moors and cries "Heathcliff". Darn my googling skills . . .